I recently found this information on the site
lsmentor.com. She had a lot of other information laid out in book form. Chapter to chapter, some really good stuff on other topic you might be interested in.
Here is the part that I found the most useful. Had we had this when we started our journey it would have saved us a few steps that we had to learn. but there are things that we found that helped us that she didn't include in her information.
Chastity Play: Introducing Emotional Intimacy Enhancement
Chastity play is a commitment to emotional intimacy where the highly erotic application of sexual restraint to a man is the catalyst. Learn how chastity play enhances emotional intimacy, increases sexual tension and aids in productivity and focus toward the priorities in your
relationship.
What Is Chastity Play?
Chastity, or chastity play is an intimate game played between two people. Typically, it requires a Keyholder, someone who desires to be keyheld, and a chastity device. However, some couples prefer a less stringent game and enjoy using the honor system without a device. I use a device because it leaves less room for error and builds up the sexual tension faster than any other method I have tried.
I receive strange looks when I refer to chastity play as intimacy enhancement because men often associate intimacy with sex. For women, sex and intimacy are separate entities and chastity play is an excellent way to teach a man the difference
If you struggle with connection outside of the bedroom, find your focus is not where it should be in your relationship or career, or feel that you are ready to devote more of your time, attention, and appreciation toward your wife, chastity play is worth a try.
Chastity versus Celibacy
Chaste: adjective -
refraining from sexual intercourse
Celibate: adjective –
observing or pertaining to sexual abstention
Chastity, when practiced through chastity play, is the highly erotic application of sexual restraint to a man. It enhances the intimacy and bond shared in a relationship. However, it does not require that you eliminate intercourse from the relationship altogether.
Celibacy is the lack of any sexual intimacy. You can use chastity to teach, train, guide, lead, and tease your partner, but also take him out of chastity and have intercourse with him when it suits you.
Most couples who practice long-term chastity are not celibate; they simply find alternative means of sexual expression. Their sex life changes, but it does not disappear. You may be surprised by how sexually creative you and your partner become by implementing chastity play!
How Does Chastity Work?
Chastity play is a form of orgasm control. Orgasm control is exactly as it sounds. The Keyholder controls the sexual pleasure and release of the keyheld. As the Keyholder, /you/ may have all the pleasure you want, how ever you want, as often and as long as you want. The only one restricted
during chastity is the keyheld.
Chastity can be practiced cyclically or constantly. Cyclical chastity play is done when the mood strikes, as you have time, or when you need to spice up things in the bedroom. However, it is not a constant game you play. You may prefer the honor system over a chastity device for
your chastity play periods.
Constant chastity play typically requires a chastity device to keep the game going. If you want more than what the honor system offers, or you enjoy power play with your chastity play, this may work best for you. Constant chastity requires more time and attention but reaps greater rewards.
Many experienced couples use constant chastity. However, I recommend cyclical chastity if you are unsure if chastity play is for you, if you have limited time for chastity play, or if you are a beginner. There are pros and cons to each method, so choose which best suits your needs.
While playing this game you will find that your locked partner will go through "Chastity Cycles". Learning about these will help empower you to understand how to harness the power of playing this game:
Chastity Cycle
Tracking His Chastity
What is Chastity Tracking?
Chastity Tracking is when the Keyholder records, or tracks, the keyheld’s periods of chastity or orgasms. There are many ways to record this information. Some people use a simple wall calendar or a journal. Others prefer digital methods, such as TickCounter or an online calendar.
Chastity Tracking is when the Keyholder monitors when the keyheld is out of chastity for reasons other than hygiene. Orgasm tracking is when the Keyholder monitors when the keyheld experiences an orgasm. Usually, orgasm tracking does not count during games like tease and denial, or when you administer a ruined orgasm. However, if you are like me, you will keep things unexpected, changing the rules at your whim with the way you record orgasms that “count.”
Orgasm Control Methods
The five control methods are permissive, prerequisites, quotas, ratios, and schedules. Each method offers different advantages and limitations to consider.
1. Permissive Control
Permissive Control //means the Keyholder permits or denies orgasms when requested. The keyheld may ask for freedom from the device for supervised or unsupervised masturbation or intercourse.
2. Prerequisite Control
Prerequisite Control means the Keyholder sets requirements the keyheld must meet to earn orgasms. Include these requirements in your chastity agreement to prevent manipulation of the system or forgetfulness.
3. Quota Control
Quota Control means the Keyholder sets a designated amount of orgasms within a specific time frame. The keyheld budgets his orgasms within that time frame. For example, Tina decides Greg may have six orgasms in a six-month period. Greg may have six orgasms one month and no orgasms
the rest of the time, or space them out, but he cannot exceed his quota.
4. Ration Control
Ratio Control means there is a direct correlation between the ratio of orgasms the Keyholder and the keyheld have. For example, a 2:1 ratio would mean that Maria must receive two orgasms before Joe may receive one.
5. Scheduled Control
Scheduled Control is when the Keyholder keeps a schedule for the keyheld’s orgasms. For example, Regina may decide that Frank may have one orgasm every ten days or she may schedule one every three months.
Is Keyholding a License for Neglect? Before you jump head first into chastity play, consider this. Most men, at some point, wonder, ‘What if I give my keys to someone and she forgets about me?’ This is a valid question and an understandable fear. Keyholding is never a license for neglect.
Chastity play is a commitment to emotional intimacy and chastity is the catalyst. If your intention is to lock it and forget it, you seriously need to reconsider why you are interested in chastity play.
Questions to Consider
1. What does chastity play mean to me?
* Is it a fun game to play for a few days?
* Does it mean more like a wedding ring?
* Is it somewhere in between?
2. What benefits do I hope to enjoy?
3. What limits do I have regarding chastity?
Keyholding is never a license for neglect. — Lynn, LSMentor
As the keyheld, ask yourself these additional questions:
1. Why do I want to be in chastity?
2. Will I complain and expect an orgasm the instant chastity is too difficult?
3. Do I want my limits pushed? How far do I want to be pushed and to what end?
As the Keyholder, ask yourself these additional questions:
1. Why do I want to be a Keyholder?
2. What benefits or possible pitfalls are there to keeping him chaste?
3. Are the benefits worth the level of responsibility required from me?
Then, discuss your answers before developing your chastity plan and writing your chastity agreement.
Stay Engaged During Chastity Play
Here are some simple ways to stay engaged while building intimacy during chastity play. Spice up your chastity play with an adult game, such as tease and denial, anal play including prostate massage and pegging, or cuckoldry. Alternatively, find ways to deepen your submission, or challenge your
supportive partner, during a chastity cycle.
Keep It Simple
It is easy to stay engaged when something keeps our interest, so why do we struggle with this so often in a relationship? Sometimes, when we start something new with a partner, we think we obsess over how toimprove or to outdo ourselves next time.
Mistakenly, we think we have to be perfect or that our relationship has to be without lulls or mistakes. We become relationship overachievers, which inevitably leads to feeling burned out, frustrated, resentful, disappointed, and defeated.
If you have experienced this problem, I have a simple solution for you.
Focus on the simple things.
* What small thing can you do or say to stay engaged?
* What simple task can you perform to demonstrate your commitment to your relationship and to chastity play?
* How can you make your partner’s day better or increase emotional intimacy between you?
Whatever you decide to do and however you wish to proceed, keep it simple. Even if it takes longer to get where you want to be, you will reap far richer rewards than if you chose the path of the relationship overachiever.
Stay Engaged with Adult Games
During the arousal phase of Dylan’s chastity cycle, he will become desperate for an orgasm. Admittedly, chastity is thrilling and erotic. Remind your partner that self-fulfillment is no longer possible.
Undoubtedly, his chastity will become more frustrating and tantalizing. This is the perfect time to introduce some adult games to your chastity play.
Tease and Denial
Tease and denial is a game like orgasm control, but it requires a more direct approach from the Keyholder. The Keyholder takes the keyheld out of the chastity device for the sole purpose of being stimulated, often repeatedly, almost to the brink of orgasm before all stimulation ceases and the orgasm subdues. You can play this game as long as you want.
Ritual
The plateau phase of Dylan’s chastity cycle requires more focus on ritual activities. During this time, we focus on simple things that help us stay engaged.
Rituals for the Keyheld
* Serve coffee or tea in bed.
* Pick out the Keyholder’s outfit for the day.
* Prep the Keyholder’s shower or warm her towel while she is in the shower by tossing it in the dryer for a few minutes.
* Pack a homemade lunch with a love note in it for her to take to work.
* Text her throughout the day to let her know you are thinking of her.
* When she comes home, ask about her day and listen attentively.
* Offer her a massage.
* Provide turn-down service for her bed at night.
* Help around the house with chores she hates doing.
Rituals for the Keyholder
* Praise him for doing the little things that make your day run more
smoothly.
* Compliment his achievements at work or at home, especially if he is
working toward a personal goal.
* Ask him to do something for you where he is sure to be successful,
so he always has at least one “win” for the day.
* Develop a simple routine to bring you into your preferred mindsets
after a long day. Bring out the chivalry in him! Personally, I love
a deep bow and a kiss on the hand — sexy yet respectable.
* Include him in task-based responsibilities, or delegate them to him
and trust him to do them to the best of his ability without nagging
or micromanaging.
* Give him some non-sexual, physical affection and attention,
especially when he seems out of sorts because of his chastity cycle.
* Ask him to write his fantasies and share them with you. Then, read
them without judgment and create stories around them to tell him
during your tease and denial sessions.
* Offer him direction and guidance when he seems lost or needy. If you
are comfortable with it, a maintenance spanking during these moments
works wonders!
What else can you think of to help you stay engaged? Remember to keep things simple and fun. Listen to your body. Communicate with your partner.
You might want to take the answers to these questions and work on creating a Chastity Agreement for you both.
Chastity Agreement.
Harnessing His Energy Through Chastity Play
During the emotional phase of Dylan’s chastity cycle, he needs more intimacy and training. Channeling his increased energy leads to increased productivity. I find it helpful to have a list of tasks available for Dylan to reference.
I post it on the refrigerator as well as in his Evernote journal. If I need him to do something specific during a certain week, I add a due date to the specific task.
A Month of Tasks for Inspiration
1. Exercise.
2. Write in your journal.
3. Learn a new recipe.
4. Clean one room from top to bottom.
5. Create a meal plan.
6. Go grocery shopping.
7. Finish one home project.
8.
Start a lasagna garden
9. Pamper her.
10. Write a love letter.
11. Spend time with friends.
12. Host a potluck luncheon.
13. Play a board game.
14. Watch a movie — lady’s choice!
15. Read a book.
16. Help someone in need.
17. Wash the car.
18. Take the dog for a walk.
19. Help a neighbor.
20. Host an adults only dinner party and dress up for it.
21. Finish that nagging thing you have been ignoring.
22. Take up a new hobby.
23. Learn a new language.
24. Donate unwanted clothing to charity.
25. Volunteer.
26. Break one bad habit you have.
27. Meditate.
28. Have a picnic.
29. Go out on a date.
30. Plan a Sunday brunch.
31. Host a ladies only tea party and have your chastened partner serve tea.
