Developing a Chastity Agreement and Plan
If you are still unsure if you want to begin exploring chastity play, or you have finished your first chastity cycle, and you think you want to take things further, developing a chastity plan and writing a chastity agreement will help you.
What Is a Chastity Agreement and Plan
By now, you already know whether you need chastity play as part of your relationship. You know what a chastity cycle is and what tracking method you will use. Most importantly, you know that keyholding is not a license for neglect. As you outline your chastity agreement, here are some questions to consider:
1. Am I happy with casual play? How would this work if we are apart short-term or long-term?
2. Can I handle long-distance chastity play? If we pursue this long-distance, who decides the schedule we keep for getting together and making this a workable arrangement?
3. If we use a physical chastity device, which one? If not, how will we manage accountability without micromanagement?
The Keyholder asks:
1. Must I make special arrangements to overcome any challenges of Keyholding?
2. How will we handle emergencies? How will distance, if applicable, affect our emergency plan?
3. Where will I hold the keys? Will I wear them? If so where?
The keyheld asks:
1. Will there be a spare or emergency key?Where will you keep it?
2. for hygienic maintenance and how often will you permit freedom from chastity for hygiene?
3. What forms of intimacy are acceptable during chastity?
4. May I ask or bargain for special attention while in chastity? If so, what special attention and how may I ask or bargain?
Then, discuss the needs, wants, and desires to which you will commit.
A /need/ is something you must have in your relationship. Needs arenon-negotiable.
A /want/ is something you would like, but it is not as important as a need. Wants are negotiable to a point, which allows for compromise, surprise and fun in your chastity agreement.
A /desire/ is something that you dream of having, but it has no effect on the relationship. You can add these to or subtract them from your chastity agreement with no adverse effects.
To help you sort your needs, wants and desires, here are three questions:
1. What must I have in a chastity agreement to feel secure, satisfied and safe?
2. What would I like to experience with the right level of trust, chemistry and experience? Which are the most important wants and where can I compromise?
3. What are my deepest desires?
Learning the answers to these questions will give you a sense of direction as you explore chastity play. Remember to keep each other informed of any changes.
When exploring male chastity in your relationship, it often starts as a game. You need time while he adjusts to chastity, and she gains confidence as a Keyholder controlling his orgasms.
During this time, allow mistakes as you may struggle with expressing your feelings and experience. Keep separate journals and compare notes. As you gain experience, this ensures your needs are met, fears are addressed, and you understand where this game will lead.
Writing a Formal Agreement
Allowing for changes in schedule, interest, health, emergencies, and the inability to be kept in a device is a normal part of chastity play. Writing a formal chastity agreement will keep you on track when these interruptions occur. Consider these two questions:
1. When a change occurs that disrupts your chastity play, who decides what will happen in the interim?
2. How soon after the interruption will you resume regular chastity play?
Allowing for different periods for each circumstance helps you stay on track and prevents you from falling into a rut where you lose momentum you have built by participating in regular—by your standards—chastity play.
For example, if your device is returned to the manufacturer for an adjustment, will you use another device or the honor system? Will you continue the current chastity cycle or start over once your device returns? Once your device returns to you, when will you resume chastity play (e.g. within the hour, 24 hours, or by the end of that week)?
A Note to Keyholders
You also might want to incorporate a locking ceremony for the two of you during this part. In the ceremony you and he place the chastity cage on him, lock it and then say your vows to each other and/or sign the agreement if you decide to go ahead and use one.
Be specific! Put as much detail into your agreement as is necessary, without providing him with spoilers where chastity becomes predictable for him. The main reason most men want chastity is the excitement of not knowing when they will enjoy an orgasm. Not knowing if their orgasm will be full or ruined.
Deciding when that will happen will be easier if you have a plan. Include affirmative statements in your written chastity agreement. For example:
I [Keyholder's Name] agree to be your Keyholder for [duration]. At the end of that time, I will review this agreement, make any changes necessary, and decide my next period of Keyholding.
I [keyheld's name] agree to give you full control of my orgasms, my pleasure, and how often I should have both. In trusting your judgment, I will not argue for more than you give me.
Write your chastity agreement as a contract, not as a list of rules. This agreement will serve as a reminder for both of you and motivate you to stay on track, working together toward a common goal. It should not be a source of aggravation, a checklist of tasks to do, or a means to punish one another for failures as you explore chastity play.
Keep your chastity agreement focused on the reasons you chose to engage in chastity play. Remain positive and flexible in your chastity agreement, so it can grow with you. Review it regularly and change things as needed to show the most accurate state of your relationship and your chastity play.
