The Male Chastity Primer for wives
Chapter 1 - Male Chastity: What’s this all about?
Orgasm control may be just the thing to bring you closer together as a couple and enhance your sexual relationship. Simply put, you take consensual control of your husband’s sexuality. You, alone, decide when and if he is granted an orgasm. However, before you decide to lock up your hubby’s penis, you need to ask yourself the following questions. Are you unhappy with how much attention he now pays to you? Are you willing to take control and put in the effort to make your relationship work in a new and exciting way? If yes, maybe you should consider male chastity for your husband. Make chastity play also will help by encouraging your man to be more attentive and considerate of your desires. You will see a marked improvement by your man as he returns the romance to your relationship as he rediscovers the art of wooing. The lack of orgasm reignites the desire to chase you, to try and woo you again. During the time when you aren’t allowing him to orgasm he will be working hard satisfying you sexually in the way you want him to, as and when you need it.
Whether male chastity is something that he initiated, the two of you mutually agreed upon or something that you decided to implement, one thing is a necessity: there needs to be something for both of you to gain. He is giving up something that is a very important part of a male’s life, his sexual abilities – and for that you need to realize that he should be rewarded as you will be, but obviously in a much different way. You know the things that he likes, that arouse him and put a smile on his face. Like marriage, chastity needs mutual rewards and often you will find those things that you reward him with will lead to an increase in his being aroused and enhancing his over all behavior. It could be him giving you massages or trying sexual things that he likes but you never desired to try. You know how to dress to turn him on and you need to find out his fetishes if you don’t know them already and indulge them. All of this will heighten his happiness and arousal. He is making a permanent change in his lifestyle and you too may need to make some permanent adjustments so that he feels things are fair. As a wife/keyholder, it may take a longer time to determine what you stand to gain from male chastity. You are taking on a responsibility to manage his chastity. In time, it will become evident what is in it that you like and you can take steps to focus his attentiveness towards you by encouraging him to do the things that you enjoy.
Properly managed male chastity can encourage positive change in many ways; it changes his mood, demeanor and libido. Most importantly, it changes his desire to please you. It is not the goal for him to help with the cooking, the cleaning or the laundry, but you will find that it will happen. It happens because as he continues to build up his sexual energy that he no longer has the ability to release as he pleases, he will divert that energy towards pleasing you. Your being the source of his sexual pleasure will change his feelings, he will adore you, love you in a way that you desire and he will be eager to please you because you are, as I said, the ONLY source of his sexual release. He will find, over time, he is happier because you’re happier. He will love the emotional boost the two of you share. It’s hard to explain why this happens, but it does. I found that I really love that we now have an erotic sex life with an intimate secret that only the two of us share.
Chapter 2: How do we get started?
Once you have mutually decided Male Chastity is something you both wish to try, then you can begin to formulate a plan to implement it. Your husband should remember that, sexually, the wife should be always in command and that, she should always be sexually satisfied first and foremost. This is the cornerstone to happiness for both you and him. Keeping you sexually satisfied is your husband’s job. His not being able to experience the pleasure of an orgasm only means that more time can be spent on insuring that the wife experiences many more than ever before. Simply be direct and tell him what you want. Don’t make him guess. Both of you will eventually expand your definition of what sex is. It can be anything from a foot rub or massage to holding hands, cuddling, kissing, to oral and intercourse. Bottom line is sex is whatever the wife wants when and how she wants it. To make chastity work you need to first develop a plan and then whole heartedly put it into action. The strong consensus is that for male chastity to really change your marriage, it has to be real and not a game. You can treat it as a game, but it is preferable to make it a 24/7 part of your relationship. 24/7 is the key; it is what changes men for the positive because they shouldn’t have the opportunity to control their sexual release. This is one of the areas that the wife must have absolute control of. The basic idea is to make male chastity an integral part of your relationship, not make your whole relationship about chastity.
It is important to instill to him that his primary means of sexual gratification will be through yours. Eventually every time you experience an orgasm he will have a sense of sexual satisfaction. How you will accomplish this I will explain in a moment. What could be better, your being pleasured any way you like and experiencing wonderful sensations. He can not have an orgasm but he feels satisfied because you are and he will maintain a high libido. Although you're still equals outside of the home you are the queen of the bedroom. To enforce that you do have a certain amount of control it is important that he is forced to do and maintain a change in his appearance, something between you and he. This must be something that would be embarrassing for him when out in the general public so it should be concealed. Generally something under his clothes; replacing his underwear with ladies panties or requiring him to wear a girdle if he is overweight are popular examples. Some of the women think that a man's feet are best, easily covered or uncovered based on your orders and modifications could be removed when you feel it is necessary and reapplied when the time is suitable. In my case, J is always as close to nude as possible at all times. I find this does absolutely nothing for me sexually but it re-enforces to him the fact that I am in control. One of my friends has her husband wear a gold ankle bracelet and must paint his nails with clear polish except for occasions where she instructs him to do something different. Another friend has her husband, with the exception of at work and gym he must wear whatever footwear she designates. High heels are a particular favorite since he likes it when she wears them. She likes that he looks so funny when he tries to walk in them. Remember, Your dominance and male chastity should not interfere in other areas. As you implement these changes for him you will find he will react differently towards you, often positively, as his feelings and emotions change.
On the surface, this sounds unfair. You may think that this works only to the wife’s advantage and that is a common misconception. It seems counterintuitive, but it is just as advantageous for him. He must keep you satisfied to eventually get his release and every time he satisfies you he is happy because he has made you happy. One thing that is a direct result of him being kept chaste is that he will love seeing you have an orgasm. It gives him a sense of accomplishment. Once under lock and key, it is important to instill to him that his primary means of sexual gratification will be through yours. Eventually every time you experience an orgasm, he will have a sense of sexual satisfaction. You often may not grant him an orgasm, but he feels satisfied because you are and he will maintain a high libido.
The basics of a chastity arrangement is that he agrees to be locked in a chastity device of your choosing with you holding the key, and that you alone have the power to unlock him and the power grant him an orgasm in any fashion you see fit. This agreement could be in the form of a written contract and can contain items that refer to who will do what and who is responsible for what and when, as well. Again there is no right or wrong way to do this. This is your journey it can be whatever you want it to be.
Chapter 3: Purchasing a Male Chastity Device.
Remember that this device belongs to you even though it is worn by him. It often takes a long time and several male chastity devices to find the perfect one for your hubby. Don’t be discouraged. Many couples go through several devices and alterations to finally get the right fit. A few get lucky the first time, but don’t count on it. Once you have determined what should work, you can see what “off the shelf’ size devices are out there that may fit his anatomy. The best advice here is to be patient and let your hubby put in most of the effort into getting a device that fits right. He is the one who will wear it all the time. Have trial lock ups until he is ready to be locked down for longer periods. Don’t be surprised if you have to stop a week or two into the lock up to get something fixed or let a sore spot heal. If there is a problem take off the device and see if it can be quickly fixed. Sometimes there is just a spot that has been rubbed raw and needs some ointment or the device left off for a couple of days. If you have to send the device back to be altered, start the clock over when it comes back and lock him up again.
After all the trial and adjustments, you should end up with a male chastity device that is comfortable and secure with the smallest cage/tube possible for his penis that will only allow very little, if any, erection. A small cage/tube quickly limits the growth of his penis and is actually more comfortable for him to wear. Consensus is that his penis should fill the cage while flaccid at least 70-80 percent. Often the original tube ordered turns out to be too wide or too long because of the male’s optimistic measurements or fear of being too confined. After a while in a chastity tube, the penis has a tendency to shrink a bit which makes the getting the right sizing initially difficult. Generally, each new device ordered tends to have a smaller and smaller cage in both length and diameter. Again, the perfect sized one should be snug and allow very little or no erection. You want him completely dependent on you for getting an erection and as I mentioned, a smaller tube will actually be more comfortable after he has adjusted to it.
Chapter 4 - How long do I keep him locked up?
Initially, your hubby will probably not be able to wear the device for very long. Start with a few days and work up to a week, then two weeks. The skin in the genital area is tender and will have to become accustomed to the device. Assuming his behavior during the lockup warrants it, let him know you are proud of his progress and reward him as you see fit. He will, most likely, look forward to being relocked. Unlock him, take him out of his cage and start to play with him but, prior to giving him an orgasm after his two week stint, when arousal is high, tell him that if you grant him an orgasm, his next lockup is going to be much longer. Ask him if he wants the orgasm or does he prefer to forgo it and relock for another two weeks. If he wants an orgasm on these terms, continue to completion. Lock him back up after this orgasm and don’t tell him how long he will remain locked up for. After he will, most likely, become a nuisance trying to find out from you how long his next lockup will be. Don’t tell him yet.
Once he can remain locked in the device for two weeks without release, it is almost universally held by women who seriously practice male chastity that an initial enforcement of chastity should be at least two months of continuous wear without relief after you go through the break in period of getting a device that fits. During this lockup it is important that you make sure to keep him aroused as much as possible, this will increase the impact of the lock up time will have and will remind him that you have control.
Keeping him from having an orgasm for a two month period may seem a bit harsh, but it is paramount to the success of this game as it allows his body and mind to adjust to the lack of sexual pleasure any time he desires. Enforcing the first two month period will allow him to get in to the proper frame of mind. It will reset his priorities and make him understand your desire, commitment, and strict determination to his training his mind to be focused on your pleasure; it will also give you the chance to develop the strength to say “NO”. When you relock him this time, this is one time he should be made aware of the time frame. This allows for a clear understanding of the initial commitment. Let him know how important this milestone for him is to you and reassure him that you will make this two month period as exciting as is possible for the two of you.
This two month lockup will, most likely, be extended by you and this is why. As he approaches one month in chastity, he may start to feel he just can’t stand it any more. There will be “moments of desperation” where he feels he must have an orgasm and he will, most likely, be quite vocal about it. As his Keyholder, your steadfastness and determination here is crucial. Cuddle and comfort him, reiterating how important it is to you that he remains in chastity. Let him know how proud you are of his effort so far. Allow him to pleasure you as much as you desire in any way you desire as it will take his mind off his own predicament. Massages, foot rubs, oral sex, toys, it’s all good. If he is still at all uncooperative during this first two months, you should consider adding additional time to his lock up and let him know this. If it still continues or he doubts your seriousness, add a one or two week extension as a warning about whining and begging. Threaten a one month extension the second time. He must understand you are serious about this. After that, there should be no more incidents.
Chapter 5 – Help! He’s Driving Me Crazy and Wearing Me Down!
During this initial two month lock down time managing a chaste male on a day to day basis is one of the more difficult parts of being a Keyholder. You will need to be strong and keep up your end of the bargain. When you can do this, it will change the dynamic of your relationship in a way that sets you and him on the path to long term happiness. Make sure to keep him aroused daily, but it should not be a chore for you. There are many days when nothing sexual will happen between you and hubby, but it only takes a small effort on your part to keep him aroused. A sexy email or text, a sensual kiss; a naughty whisper in his ear while brushing against his locked penis, then a swat on the behind telling him resume his vacuuming should do the trick. He will be putty in your hands. Experienced Keyholders agree that you cannot be too strict with respect to the initial lockup period if you want to achieve the triple goals of...
1.) Getting yourself past feeling that it is your duty to give him orgasms,
2.) Getting him completely focused on his new role of pleasing you,
3.) Becoming comfortable with being in charge while overcoming the guilt of keeping him locked up.
This period of two months or more without release will make your seriousness very clear to him. His life will never be the same after, he will become dedicated to pleasuring you when you want it and how you want it. If you haven’t achieved these goals by the end of the two month period, then lengthen the time. Avoid falling into the trap of feeling that you have to let him have an orgasm since he has been under lock and key for so long and is so frustrated by the chastity device.
Upon completing his initial confinement period give him an experience like he has never had before. You will have a sense of strength for enforcing it and him for getting thru it. You should make his orgasm a slow drawn out one with lots of teasing. It will be all too easy for him to cum very quickly. You may need to be watchful him to keep him on edge but when you finally do let him cum, it will be almost too much for his body to handle.
After the initial two month lockdown, you need to give some thought about what you want to do with your hubby after the long lockup is over. You could leave him unlocked for a day or two to see if he misses wearing the device. When you ask him, he will probably tell you he does miss it and wonders when you will relock him.
The goal is for you to control his attentiveness to you by controlling his orgasm. Regular teasing and denying his orgasm helps to keep his attentiveness to you. There is nothing like the power of unlocking him, teasing him for a while and locking him back up with out allowing him an orgasm. There may be times during his lock up where you feel you need to use his penis, and you don’t want him to orgasm. Fortunately, there are a few options for this. You can try using a numbing cream and two condoms on his penis. He will be rock hard and shouldn’t be able to orgasm, which will be enjoyable for you.
Another option you can use a penis sheath that he can wear over his erect penis. When i was searching for options Amazon came through. The sheath (penis extender) comes in a couple of sizes and colors; The nice thing about the sheath is that he can actually feel my movements and there is an intimate physical connection between the two of us.
Chapter 6 - We made it. What’s next?
Hopefully, by this time, you will have answered the question that eludes many wives. What’s in this for me? Are you turned on by the new loving attentiveness your hubby is giving you? Do you like you new found control? Are you having fun teasing and denying him? Has your relationship blossomed? The answer to these questions will determine your male chastity plan for the future. As your journey continues, you are solidly in control and will be able to add new ideas to your relationship. Many women find it helpful to keep a journal of what works well and what doesn’t. Remembering the basic principles of how to keep your hubby under your spell will let you, and him, discover chastity’s amazing rewards. How do you maintain control? MC is a consensual kink. His obedience is a cornerstone for male chastity to be successful. That’s why two way communications between you and hubby are so critical. You will never want to let things revert back to his “lack of control” again. If you will put in the effort over the long term, you’ll not regret it even though sometimes it seems like a lot of work.
One of the big changes that you must make in yourself to make a chastity relationship work is to commit to frequently teasing him, like you no doubt did when you first dated, and to having much more frequent sex yourself. The two can be one and the same thing. Having him perform oral sex on you while locked up is almost guaranteed to drive him to the edge. Fortunately, for you the chastity device will keep him from going over. The more sex you get without letting him cum, the more he wants you. If more women knew this secret there would be a lot more locked up husbands and boyfriends. Remember you have all the time in the world to train him to be the wonderful hubby that you want without any need to worry about getting him off. Once locked all he does is fantasize about you. You will need to decide if you want to be the one that initiates sex or whether you want him to.
Chapter 7 – The Maintenance Phase.
How do you manage you hubby’s chastity now that you are in the maintenance phase? There is no right or wrong answer here. Once you allow him his first release after two months plus in chastity, it is entirely up to you how many sexual experiences you allow and how often. A very important step during any release period is to ensure that you have a follow on plan for when you will get hubby back into his device. It is much easier for him to install the chastity device himself than for you to do it. When you have him chastised you will find that a big change will come over him. Men have this built in thing about their sexuality, and they live in fear of failure to perform, so they try to shy away from kissing and cuddling except when they are horny. So once you have him chastised he will pay a lot more attention to you. He really enjoys you making out with him and getting all turned on, but it has always been so easy before just to jump on board and "wham bam thank you ma'am". Now with him all locked safely away, it takes the burden of performance off him, and it also relieves you of that old feeling of "take care of your man" and you don't have to have all that sticky mess to clean up. If you want more than just a little kissing and cuddling, get him to do a little tongue exercise, he will love to do it as this is the only sexual outlet he has, because you have locked up his favorite outlet, the longer you leave him locked up the more his testosterone level rises, and the more attention he will pay to you.
How often should you allow a release and what type of release will you give him. Most key holders opt for a ruined orgasm where you stop stimulation just before he starts to ejaculate, the goal is for the semen to trickle out of him and not spurt. This keeps him from experiencing the normal post orgasm letdown period and keeps him attentive to you.
The most common belief that what’s best for older males is not to allow them to achieve an full orgasm more than once per month but not go longer than three months unless there was a good reason for doing so. That’s because the post-orgasm letdown period during which he is not loving and attentive is longer for older males. Some women liked to think about how often hubby could have an orgasm as a small fraction of the number of orgasms they had. A 50-1 ratio seems to be very popular but you can pick the number to suit your needs and get the time between releases just about right. This approach gives him a strong incentive to initiate sex and give you orgasms.
Some keyholder’s choose to keep their men guessing; orgasms are allowed only at her whim, and he never knows when that might be. That sounds quite cruel but some women get off on the look on a male’s face when she leads him to believe that the time is near, only to change her mind at the very last minute.
There’s no denying that many women want and need penetrative sex from time to time. To make these rare opportunities for him to have intercourse work, you need to recognize that after being locked up for long time, younger men may cum with a hair trigger. Older men may not erect as quickly after a long lockup and their erection may not get as large as they did before chastity. It’s perfectly fine to occasionally take him out of the cage and get him hard, edge him and tease him a bit, then relock him as frequently to keep his equipment in good working order. Viagra or Cialis can also help older males maintain a good erection for your use. Some women use their hubbies for intercourse for several days in a row treating the whole event as a single release period before they lock their hubby back up for a prolonged duration. The bliss point is when you get your hubby to the place he gets pleasure purely from your pleasure without thinking about his own.
The main point of enforced chastity is to transfer control of the caged male’s sexual pleasure from him to his keyholder. It is a power exchange. As keyholder you need to maintain his sexual desire throughout his waiting time. He has to be desperate for release in order for him to truly feel sexually controlled. To keep him that way, you will need to stimulate him on a regular basis without providing him the opportunity to orgasm or ejaculate.
An ultimate expression of your power is to replace his scheduled orgasm with a ruined one. This is very frustrating to the male and will imprint strongly that you, in fact, own his pleasure. Since ruined orgasms do reset his physical need for orgasm, if not his mental one, they should not be intentionally given before his scheduled release date. Sex for you is independent of his pleasure. You should use him to give you orgasms whenever you desire them. This can be done with training aids: multiple condoms and/or numbing cream.
There is an old saying among men that encouraged their wives to adopt a chastity lifestyle… be careful what you wish for. Often the husband finds that the fantasy of male chastity is much different than the reality. Some of the husbands would, if given a choice, go back to their old ways, but absolutely none of the wives would. The consensus is that, deep down, the men are happier because they really wanted to be sexually controlled by their wives in the first place.
The Bottom Line: Your hubby’s new reality now is, most likely, much different than his original male chastity fantasy because it is now your fantasy, not his. Take ownership of his new male chastity lifestyle. It is, after all, about you. Couples who stuck it out through the trials and tribulations of finding a chastity device that worked and figuring out how change their mindset from a need to give him orgasms to one of deserving all the orgasms they could ever want, are all much happier.
