Our story - Start Here

"Do you remember how your husband treated you when you were first dating? Was he more thoughtful? Did he look forward to being with you? Didn’t he try to please and impress you?

If you’ve been married for any length of time you’ll probably find that the man you married is a bit (or a lot) different from the man you’re married to. Lets talk about the reasons for that difference."

This was the start of the article that I had read a few days before and it stuck in my head. But this article asked the questions that I had been contemplating since I had read it. The article continued...

"When your husband first became interested in you, he was unsure of the extent to which you were interested in him. He wanted you and he wanted you to want him. He looked to signals that you were interested. He thought about every word you said, every facial expression and every subtle inflection of your voice. He paid attention! And when he was not with you he analyzed all these things looking for clues, clues to help him understand how to “win you over” and clues as to how he was faring in his pursuit of you. Bottom line is he was always thinking about how to win you!

You may not have noticed it at the time because you were too busy trying to win him over, looking for clues yourself. Odds are that the more difficult you made it for him to win you over the better he treated you and the harder he tried to please and impress you."

You know it's funny because it is true, one of the differences between men and women is their romantic/sexual attention span. A woman, generally, is focused on keeping the partner she has won. A man is wired differently. Once he has won his prize or achieved his goal he is prone to look toward the next conquest. So, after "winning" the woman begins to nurture the relationship, the man begins to neglect it in favor of other conquests. This is why women so often become bitter or disillusioned in marriage. Her efforts at nurturing her marriage and pleasing her husband only serve to reinforce his sense that the chase is over. Thus he becomes complacent and isn't focused on winning her affections as much. In his mind he has already won the prize.

The article continued to explain...

"When men play sports with less experienced athletes on a regular basis, they will often give themselves a handicap (I’ll play basketball with my left hand behind my back so that I can’t use it) in order to make the game more interesting. He doesn’t look at you as weak, but different (in physical abilities) thus he simply acknowledges that he must make some changes to the rules of the game to make it a chase again. 

In your case, your man has opted for male chastity to bring back the romance again. While this may seem bizarre to you, it makes perfect sense from his point of view. By giving away the power to orgasm to you he gets to pursue you again, he makes you a target. You now control the "win" in this scenario. As long as he knows he can have sex (orgasm) with you any time he wants, there's no reason for him to romance you. That's why the romance diminished or stopped after you got married. By limiting his sexual access to you, you have reset the game, Doing this you'll make him the romantic lover he was when you were still dating, because he has to pursue you again. By controlling his orgasms, you can turn the chase back on. He will have to “conquer you” and convince you somehow to let him reach that rare, mind blowing orgasm. But, he needs to give you power to make the chase happen again. 

You CAN change your man. While you can never change his personality, you did fall in love with your husband in part because of how he courted you. Didn’t he try to win your affection with much more effort than he is showing now? Didn’t he used to share more with you? Didn’t he try to do special things for you just to please you and make you his. Why should all that go away as it does in most relationships? Playing the chastity game his orgasm now depends on you. He will once again try to win your favor. Thankfully you can gently steer him in the right direction. You have the key to unlocking his potential! 

Courtship, more than anything else, is an act of adoration. To be courted you must summon the self-confidence to accept his adoration, to become the object of his desires that he is working so hard for. Easier said than done, right? Well, not by much." 

I have discovered that the only difficult step, as it turns out, is to decide with absolute and unwavering sincerity that I wanted to be adored by my husband. That is not to say that I measure my self-esteem by my husband’s attention. Rather, I had to decide to not expect anything less from my husband than outright simmering love, just as I did when we were dating and were contemplating marriage. 

"You need to understand that you are already worthy of his adoration by the very fact that you are married. So there is no need to be insecure about your allure or value to him. He married you and gave up his bachelor ways just for you and he did it, because you already have everything he needs. Bottom line is he adores you, he just needs help to reignite that fire for pursuit again. 

Now to become the object of his pursuit again you must learn to comfortably make the most of your erotic potential. You have, within you, an erotic potential that was not lost with your youth. It is there still waiting to be reawakened. In finding your confidence and expressing your erotic potential remember these facts. Age is not a factor. Weight is not a factor. Beauty is not a factor. These things are not relevant here. Sexual attraction is 90% mental, only 10% physical. You don’t need to be a beauty queen to be a sex goddess. Females have the essence to attract, captivate and hold sway over men. It is within you and you just need to release it. If you will release this powerful female essence within you, you will have your man begging to romance you. It’s all about how you act, not how you look. It’s the attitude.

But, you must reawaken that confidence within yourself. Don’t worry if you lack the confidence in the beginning. Take baby steps to find your way and that confidence will come with positive results. But do not confuse your lack of confidence with lack of commitment. Be committed to exploring your potential and find your way to fulfilling that commitment." 

In my marriage this works for a very simple reason: My husband needs and wants to romance me. He may not be consciously aware of it but the male psychology fundamentally desires pursuit. As we have already seen, as much as you desire to be courted so your husband desires to court you. It’s our nature as human beings. You need only exploit that desire. The nature of this desire is, essentially, sexual. Sex equals his orgasm and that is the goal for him and not coincidentally, it is the means to fulfillment as well for you. By denying his orgasm you increases his sexual desire and that is what stimulates his romantic passion for you. 

Another part of the article got my attention...
"Now, thanks to his interest in chastity, you have been given a very powerful card to play to make your courtship his focus again. You can bridge the divide between his considerable sexual energy and yours. You can make sex more interesting and more satisfying for him and for you. 

Sex is an essential part of your marital relationship. This is not to say that it is a substitute for love. On the contrary, it will become for both of you a new and powerful expression of your love for one another. Your love for him remains certain and unconditional as before. It is romance only, which becomes uncertain and conditional. It is important to distinguish between the two. 

In short: he asked you to deny and/or restrict his orgasms because he wants to enjoy the pleasures of dating you again. you are the most beautiful and revered person in his world. You, the "key holder" will  now be in control of his orgasms, And he wants you to be that, otherwise he wouldn’t have asked you for this."

When my husband J first approached me with this chastity game I thought his fantasy was a bit odd and nearly didn't do it. The first 6 weeks of this journey were the best 6 weeks of my adult life. We are still playing this game many years later, And I still can't wait for each evening to come. I've never felt this close to my husband in the many years of our relationship. It is really ironic that, after 20 years with, for the most part, disappointing sex, I am now getting the sexual fulfillment I have longed for - with my partner locked in a chastity device. That fulfillment has happened even after only having had 'normal' penetrative sex once in the past 8 weeks!

There are many potential benefits to you and your husband but the extra attention & closeness (almost adulation) were what did it for me - not to mention a fairly marked shift in the sexual satisfaction stakes. Your relationship will become stronger and playing this game encourages open and honest communication about each other's needs. This is an incredible benefit for any couple, and can help couples improve their natural bonding.

I am now J's Key-holder, literally.
It did take me a while to develop into the key-holder role. I am grateful that my husband J let me find my own way rather than telling me what he wanted me to do. After all, if you're going to properly hand over control of your penis to your wife, you shouldn't really have any say there after. I repeatedly read this while I was researching it but it took a while for me to get to grips with that aspect. Sometimes I have to remind him that only one person gets to make the rules, the key holder. 

After teasing his locked up parts and denying my husband J’s orgasms for two weeks it was like being engaged again. I think my favorite effect was the little smiles and glances we started giving each other again. We were meeting each other’s eyes and connecting again in a way we hadn't done since we were first married.

During our journey here are some of the benefits that we have experienced and you will experience similar results with your husband locked up.  

1.) Your sex life will improve. 

Playing this way you will have more orgasms than you've ever had before. As you can have him orally pleasure you without the need for penetrative sex, which we know is male centric. As part of changing that dynamic into being female focused I have started replacing the word “sex” with the phrase “woman's pleasure” this gives J a strong reminder that the focus of sex should be my pleasure. 

2.) You will have control over when and how you have “sex” with him. 
If you are really not in the mood, you no longer have to blame it on that headache. With your man locked up your "no" will be a turn on if you simply say it in a sexy way (e.g. "No honey, I like to see you excited and frustrated, it turns me on. Or “You are pleasuring me so well I am not sure when i will let you out") Before long he became the best educated man in the world about how to get me off in surprising and enjoyable ways. As part of our game I don’t let him know what type of orgasm or when he will get it. If he has been good and if I am in the mood I might allow him and orgasm from having sex or it might be a ruined orgasm. Part of the fun is to watch his expressions as the is unsure of what is going to happen. Remember that the less orgasms he is allowed the more attention and courting he does for you. 

Since you are in control, you only have to release him from his chastity when you are in the mood to play with him and now you get to decide if he gets to orgasm, when you release him. If he does, is it a ruined orgasm? Which most of the time it should be. Unlike when you let him have a full orgasm ruining his orgasm keeps the intensity of his desire for you, and it helps him not release all of those chemicals that keep his desire to court you at a high level. Or do you want it be an edging session where he gets locked back in his chastity cage at the end of playtime with no orgasm? I love to make J lie on his back and pleasure me while I tease and edge him. Since you are his key holder and you make the rules you get to decide. 

3.) Do you have a fantasy you never dared to express to him? Lock him up for 3 weeks or longer, tease him and get him as horny as you can and he will be up for anything you want to do.

4.) Ever just want to just talk, take quiet walks together, share special moments, or just hold hands?” Now you will have the tools to make it happen. How about a good, old-fashioned necking session on the couch like when you were teenagers? Kissing games? The list is limited only by your imagination.” 

5.) Keeping him locked up and teasing him helps encourage him to be more attentive and considerate of your desires

6.) We both enjoy that we have an intimate secret we carry out in public that only the two of us share. 

The article continued...
"Thanks to the increase in oxytocin he will start enjoying close physical contact much more than before. This, returning the romance to your relationship by helping him rediscover the art of wooing you. Women who lock up their men in chastity find that their husbands gladly, even eagerly hold hands, give cuddles and massages, even assist in giving the wife a bath, then toweling her off. Have you ever had your husband trim or shave your pubic hair? I find it a very erotic experience. Having hubby give me rubs and foot rubs are nice even when I don’t feel very amorous, and they are physical things he can do for me. Plus he gets to play with my body which is a huge turn on for him. 

The beauty of male chastity is that it makes it impossible for him to act on his involuntary reactions, that tickling in his groin that grows to an erection, now stopped by his chastity device focuses him more on you. Trust me, he wants this too and is often embarrassed by his involuntary erections. Chastity is one way of him directing his mind back to you in those moments, and it is his preferred way, since he asked you for this very specifically. If you are the only one who can give him orgasmic release, you are the only one he will be fantasizing about. And that in turn will pay off in spades both in bed and in your relationship. 

While chastity is no magic pill for a troubled marriage, it can spice up a healthy relationship. By relating the outcome you want to the chastity game, you will have a happy and satisfied husband who gets to play a sex game 24/7 while you get your desired outcomes (e.g. being courted, better intimacy, more or less sex, etc.)."

Since we have been doing this my friends have complimented me on what a wonderful, attentive husband i have. I think too that your friends will be so jealous of your strong, committed relationship if you do this in your marriage. 

You might think that sounds like a lot of work.
I know I don’t feel like playing all the time and chastity gets sort of ruined if you let him out every time you don’t feel very frisky. So what do you do to get through the dead spots (for me it’s mostly during my you know what, or if I’m really stressed or busy) without being neglectful?

Here are some of my tips for low maintenance chastity play. I try to make sure I do some combination of these every day when J is locked up. They take hardly any time, and I know they make him feel loved. These little things get magnified in his mind by the cage. 

Pick out the things you find easy to do or turn you on. 
For instance, I tell him that it turns me on knowing he is always as close to nude as possible. One of my conditions for chastity play is that he'll only ever wear 4 items of clothing. And yes, shoes and socks count as 2 items. If it gets really cold, I allow him a fifth clothing item, but only for outside. The idea of always being as close to nude as possible for me turns us both on, but especially him.

Playing at chastity makes him a bit friskier than usual, he might be pressing up against you, massaging you, stroking, kissing and trying to turn you on in any way he can and you might welcome the attention. 

When J starts in I usually tell him I just have no time for it. You haven’t forgotten about him, you’re just waiting for the right time to make use of him. In these moments I try to let him down easy rather than a tired "not now, honey", I tell him with a simple "down, big boy" or "easy now, I don't want you to get too excited, nothing is going to happen for you tonight". I'll remind him of his situation. Of course he already knows he’s locked up and you have the key, but reminding him lets him know you’re thinking about him. 

I make sure to take possession of his genitalia. I’ll walk by J in the kitchen, give him a quick squeeze in front and ask “how are my toys doing? Still all locked up?” Or I might just say “You better be taking care of my toys, I might want to take them out and play with them tonight, aren’t you lucky to have such a fabulous key-holder?” I’ve noticed that the more out-of-the-blue the comment is the bigger the impact it has on J. If he’s not really thinking about sex or expecting me to be thinking about it, mentioning his chastity jolts his libido into high gear.

Fondle your property. No matter how busy or tired I am, I can always find two minutes in bed to do this. I don’t even have to remove the chastity device. When I’m going to bed I just whisper in his ear that I want to see him in the bedroom. He never says no! I fondle his poor trapped parts for a few minutes (two to five is plenty) or suck his nipples and then say good night. If I feel like kissing a bit, I can do that, but if I don’t I just tell him to stand there and keep still while I “play with my toys” for a few minutes. Just long enough to get a groan or two out of him.

Sometimes I lay him down and softly run my nails over his whole body, just barely skimming all his hot spots, until I tease him into a frenzy. Nothing is sexier than when he thinks he is going to be allowed to orgasm and you lock him back up again after teasing him. 

I sometimes turn routine requests into chastity play.

These days, if I just make the effort to dress a little skimpier after the kids have gone to bed, or just open my night robe to reveal my ordinary lingerie, he'll go weak in the knees. The simple act of taking my blouse and bra off and sitting half naked next to him is deeply appreciated for the sexual reward it is. And his reaction boosts my confidence. Sometimes I play a little game of unlocking him and seeing how long his member stays erect by watching me (half-naked). I catch up on my TV shows, he just watches me and ogles me with lustful desire. A real ego boost! Show him some skin. Taking off your top or dressing in skimpy clothing doesn't take much effort, but it will drive him wild with desire. I've bought plenty of outrageous new outfits to keep him on the edge. You can look tonight, honey but no touching...

Part of the magic of chastity play is that the male, who usually has the higher sex drive, is “playing” 24/7. He’s eating, sleeping, going to work, everything really with his genitals locked up. Any stray sexual thought quickly reminds him about the game he’s playing. You, his keyholder probably has a lower libido but that’s okay because you just have to give him the occasional nudge to keep him at a full simmer. A little bit of attention on the days when you just don’t feel very playful will keep him happy and keep him from feeling neglected until you’re a little more enthusiastic and ready to turn the heat up to a full boil.

Tease him regularly, the key is to keep his arousal simmering, this increases his desire to pursue you. Think about when you first met your partner, what did you do a whole lot of? Flirting, right? Essentially teasing. Playfully kissing your husband's neck while walking through the park. A little pat on the bottom when you walk by. Playing with each other's hands as you hold them across a table. All of these subtle gestures are part of the bigger picture -- the build up to sex -- and are still major turn-ons. 

One of my forum friends doesn't believe in showing too much skin. She almost never lets her husband see her fully naked. Instead she wears very revealing underwear and when she allows him to kiss her he must do it through the fabric of the panties. When she wants skin on skin contact, she blindfolds her man most of the times and has him wear gloves so he can't feel her all that often either. For some reason, her way of making complete nudity a very, very rare thing excites and fascinates me, but I never felt the energy to take J there, although he thinks it sounds deliciously frustrating.

I muse about the length of his lockup. Sometimes I’ll tell J that I’ve decided to let him out next week, then the next night tell him I’ve changed my mind and I don’t know when I’ll let him out. Sometimes I’ll tell him I’ve been wondering how long I should leave him locked up and just leave it at that. No further information, just that I was thinking about it. I’ll ask him if he thinks he could go six months, or a year. If he asks if I’m planning to keep him locked up that long, I’ll just shrug and say “maybe.” Verbal teasing like this takes very little energy from me but amps J up.

Have him show some skin. Sometimes I tell J to strip naked, with or without his chastity device on, most of the times I can't be bothered to take off his chastity device. Male nudity doesn't turn me on as much as female nudity turns him on, but he gets a kick out of being the object of my lustful desire. I tell him I just want to be able to admire his body at a moments notice. Since we have 2 boys, I don't often get the chance to have him do this for me, but it is a huge turn on for him to be desired in this way and it makes him feel sexy and wanted. 

When he needs to be released from his chastity device so that he can clean and shave I usually unlock him when I am about to watch a show he doesn't like. I stay around him during his cleaning to ensure he doesn't mess with my property, all part of "taking the chastity thing serious". Don’t leave the key laying around or act like it’s no big deal, I wear his key on a necklace or on a piece of jewelry. Remember that’s he’s committed 24/7. The whole idea is he can’t check out of the game until you let him, so remind him that you’re still in the game with him.

None of those things take much time or energy from me. They’re easy to do on days when I’m stressed or tired or just not feeling very sexual. And they keep J feeling loved and cared for. 

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J and I put together a primer of how we started our chastity and incorporated chastity into our lives. I hope it will help you begin your own journey to fulfillment like we have using chastity. Please remember that there isn’t a specific right way to do this, this is just information we found during our journey. We researched, read, and tried a lot of things but this is what really worked for us. Please only read this when you are ready to consider taking the next step. 

Read the story of another real couple who made the journey into chastity play.

We are ready for the next step, take us to the primer.

Interesting article I found on another couples journey

I found this on another site. Their journey told from her perspective has some great lessons we can all learn from. Glad that she talks about her struggle with accepting this game into her relationship with her husband. Enjoy....

A while ago, we wrote about fulfilling fantasies and had a reader write in with her scenario. Time has passed and I asked them to share their experience so far...

"My husband and I have been married for a few years now. We got married rather young. He's 28 and I'm 26. We like to think of ourselves as a fun, good humored, active couple. We love biking together, watching documentaries on Netflix and cooking together. We're conservative and religious and we're both very supportive of science, education, the arts and positive community projects.

I consider myself to have a healthy sex drive but, unsurprisingly, my husband's sex drive has always been higher than mine. In college I was sort of proud of how well I flirted with guys. I thought that skill would come in handy in marriage but I realized that once married, flirting with my husband would quickly get him turned on and he would want to have sex. I like sex, don't get me wrong, but I'm not always in the mood or ready for it. From my perspective, sometimes kissing can just be kissing, but not for my husband. Once he gets turned on it's a beeline drive for the finish line. He wants penetration right away and then finishes disappointingly (or sometimes mercifully) quick. I soon trained myself to stifle my flirtatious nature with my husband out of fear that it would trigger his libido. The cycle we found ourselves in wasn't healthy and it was killing the romantic aspect of our relationship. Of course, at the time I had no idea of the damage it was doing. I just thought that marriage was going to be one big sacrifice in the romance/sex department.

After reading posts on GwenInLove about sharing fantasies, I thought it would be good for us to try exchanging our own fantasies. We set up  our little fantasy exchange night and I went first. I told him how I liked kissing just for kissing's sake, going on road trips, taking walks up in the hills by our house and other romantic desires I had. I thought I had done pretty well. Then it was his turn and... wham! He laid his fantasy on me. He wanted me to lock up his manhood in a small cage. I was stunned. On the one hand we have my angelic little romance fantasies and on the other his dark, medieval kinky fantasy. At least that's how I saw it at the time. I was already frustrated with our sex life so when I heard the inner desires of his heart, I freaked out. I know I should have listened, heard him through, and tried to understand but I wasn't thinking clearly and, to be honest, I was really only thinking of myself.

That night was a long one as my imagination about the man I married went wild. The next day while he was at work I hit the net. I posted a plea for help on GwenInLove and another site I follow. Half of me was hoping to commiserate with women who had felt betrayed by their men, the other half was hoping that somehow I would find out that my husband wasn't all that weird. An amazing response followed that you can see on the GwenInLove posts. I was relieved to discover that, although not extremely prevalent, male chastity is a somewhat common fantasy practiced by many "normal" and well-adjusted adults around the world. I felt pretty silly at freaking out and I decided to give an earnest attempt at understanding my man.

I reconvened the fantasy exchange meeting. It took some convincing because he was hurt by how I reacted the last time. I apologized and told him how bad I felt and that I wanted him to feel emotionally safe to share anything that was in his heart. He was still kind of hesitant and I just told him, "The cat is out of the bag now. There's no hiding your desires anymore so let's just go forward." I told him about my online conversations and read him all the comments I had received. He was surprised that I went to such lengths and he started to open up. We talked and talked and he did his best to try to explain it. One of the commenters linked us to other sites and material which we read from together.

The conversation continued for the next couple days until I started to understand a little bit of his fetish. Let me just try to explain it here as succinctly as possibly. When he was in his early teens, my husband started to feel that normal attraction to girls. He developed crushes like we all do, but was too shy, scared or introverted to do anything about them. It sounds like the girls he associated with were probably confident, loud and pretty intimidating. As he got older and his crushes turned more sexual in nature, he realized that girls basically held him hostage by his own infatuation. We've all experienced it to some degree at some point in our lives. When the person we are infatuated with walks in the room, we freeze up, we can't think or talk, we start to sweat and blush and it's intensely pleasurable and painful at the same time. It's pretty common when we're young, but for some reason those feelings sunk deep into his psyche. He came to crave the submissive and erotic feelings he got when a girl exerted that sexual power over him. He has since grown out of his quiet awkward phase and by the time I met him in college he was a smooth, confident man. He is now a manager over many people at a high-stakes company. Yet, that deep yearning to be sexually and romantically overwhelmed by a woman is still lurking under his tough facade. When we incorporated some tame tie-up games in our lovemaking it rekindled that passion in him to submit some part of himself to a woman, to me. I was oblivious to it all, I just thought we were playing a kinky little game. At some point he read about the recent rise in the use of male chastity devices among couples and he was hooked before he even knew it.

Now back to our story. After all this talk and study I started to feel more confident that I understood my husband and I understood his fantasy and I had the guts to follow through on it if he did. I told him I was willing to give it a go. He seemed relieved and nervous at the same time and produced a chastity cage that he had bought earlier. I realized that he must have been serious about this fantasy for some time but had hid it from me because he knew I wouldn't understand. That made me sad and I promised myself that I would be a more accepting person. He handed me the cage and I examined it. It was smooth, clear plastic and didn't seem overly scary. He showed me how it worked and how it fit together to trap the man's equipment without causing injury or any real pain. He showed me the little brass lock that kept it all securely fastened together. It was a very sensual experience as I knew I held a powerful tool in my hands and I could see the effect it was having on my husband as he watched. We put it on him then. I practiced putting it on and taking it off several times until I felt like I could do it without pinching him.

That night we held our own little lock-up ceremony that we had heard others do. We lit some candles, turned the lights down and made it as romantic as we know how. We set a couple of ground rules and a safe word. We decided on a trial run of a couple of days first, just to make sure that it didn't cause any problems. Then it was time to lock him up. We got it all fastened on him. He wanted me to actually click the lock shut. I thought it would be more romantic he locked it and handed me the key, sort of like a token of his devotion to me. But hey, it’s his fantasy, right? I had prepared a line to say at that moment. Right before clicking the lock shut I told him, "Now that you surrendered your sex to me, I will take the honored place in your life that your orgasm once occupied." It was cheesy but I guess it doesn't sound cheesy to a man who has just been locked in a chastity cage. His face was priceless and he hugged me tightly. I thought he might cry for minute. Then we kissed. Boy did we kiss. Since we've been married he has never been able to kiss for more than a minute or two before his clothes start coming off. Now with the device preventing an erection, he was brought right to the edge of desire for me without being permitted to go over. There he stayed for hours as we made out, cuddled, talked and made out some more. Much to my amazement we shattered all of our records for time spent kissing, even from when we were dating.

The next day would be his first day at work wearing the device. He was nervous that it would show through his pants but we did some modeling and as far as I could tell it was imperceptible. I thought about him throughout the day and wondered what he must be feeling and thinking. When he got home (right on time) he told me that he had been constantly reminded of me every time he moved, stood up, walked. He could feel the weight of the device like a gentle but firm hand holding him throughout the day, keeping me always just beneath the surface of his thoughts. He said he felt like an infatuated schoolboy again. He felt those same butterflies in his stomach as thoughts and desires for me arose up spontaneously throughout the day.

That night we made sure the device was still fitting OK. He made a small adjustment to it and we decided to go two more days. Those two days flew by and upon further inspection we found that the device was fitting well and causing him no problems. He is lucky. We have heard that many men require considerable trial and error to get the right fit or even the right device. My husband seemed to be made for the CB-6000 which is one of the most popular devices on the market.

Now it was time to actually start playing the game for real. I say game because in many ways it is a game. It's fun and We are both playing it voluntarily. However, neither of us wanted to take it lightly. This is a game that must be taken seriously for it to be fun, so maybe that makes it more of a sport. I asked him how long he wanted to stay locked up. He responded that it was up to me to make that decision. He reminded me that it wasn't his goal to stay locked up for any specific period of time, or to even be locked up at all. It was his desire to hand that power over to me and let me make those choices. I felt a rush of confidence as I responded, "Very well. I accept. You will stay locked up for no less than one week. I reserve the right to extend that if I see fit." It was a little hard not to giggle as I said it but what followed was another marathon make-out session while his member stayed firmly locked in its place.

As the week went on I kept reading and learning about the chastity experience. I learned that you can't just lock up a guy and expect him to magically turn into a prince. If he feels abandoned or that being locked up is nothing more than a tool to manipulate him then he will lose that erotic excitement and it will become a chore. These devices are only so secure and he may get out the power tools and cut himself free. (My husband is very white-collar and doesn't have tools so for him it would be a trip to the local locksmith, which he would dread.) 

The key to keeping the game fun and erotic, and therefore keeping it going perpetually, is to continue to stoke his passions while he is unable to fulfill them. It's not difficult to do. It comes down to the three T's: Teasing, Touching and Thongs (i.e. dressing sexy). Of course wearing revealing clothing around him (when there is no one else around) or doing things like bending over or flashing some cleavage will get him going. Brushing against him as you pass one another, or running a toe along his foot while sitting together takes almost no effort and adds to his smoldering fire. The most effective, however, is innocently dropping little teasing comments here and there. Some are very straightforward like, "How is my little prisoner today?" or, "Are you sure we should see this movie? I hear [insert attractive move star] appears in a bikini and that might get kind of painful for you...". Other teasings are more subtle like pondering aloud what it might be like for me to kiss another girl (one of his run-of-the-mill male fantasies) or even another guy. That second one really gets him going. I also get a rise out of him by using words like "lock", "key", "device", "trapped", "cage", etc. in casual public conversation. He always blushes when I say them and I know I’ve just given him a little jolt. The key to keeping him locked up and on his toes isn't the little brass key that when I am not wearing on my necklace I have hidden in the kitchen it's the constant teasing that keeps his arousal and his emotions high.

Another thing I have learned is that male chastity is a long-standing kink in the BDSM community and much of the resources out there will also point you towards other BDSM practices. You don't have to go there! Chastity has transcended that community and if you don't want to include whips, cross-dressing, or any other activity in your play then you are under no obligation to do so. Never let someone tell you how you should be playing the chastity game. That is up to you and your spouse and you can make it anything you like...

How has all of this changed him? Well, contrary to some of my initial fears it has not made him into a sissy or a freak. He is the same macho confident guy I have always loved. He is still the boss at work and he is still very outspoken and influential among our friends and in our church. He has changed, though. He now knows how to show his love for me. Perhaps it's not so much a matter of knowing how, but a matter of feeling the urge to do so. I think that is the biggest change in his character. He has always treated me excellently, but he now puts my romantic and sexual needs above his own sexual needs. Let me rephrase that: his sexual needs now include putting my romantic needs first, if that makes sense. It's not just a mental thing either. It's not just, "Well, I want sex so I better do what she wants so she will unlock me." He knows it doesn't work like that and he wouldn't want it to. He seems to have submitted something to me on a deeper level and he gets pleasure from giving me pleasure on my terms.

How have I changed? Well, first I am far more confident in my own sexuality. I now have the freedom to express myself without fear of having to submit sexually as a consequence. I can flirt (with my husband) and tease and be as a sexually liberated as I desire and I know I am enhancing the experience for my husband without giving anything up. I think that confidence is spilling into other areas of my life as well. I never would have had the courage to share this story only a few months ago.

The truly ironic thing about all of this is that as we pursued his seemingly stone-age fantasy, the result has been a fulfillment of all of my romantic yearnings. All of our kissing is now done solely for kissing's sake because for him that is the end of the line. We take those romantic walks in the hills. We do all those things I've wanted and we do them because it pleases him too. I don't know how well I've described it, and frankly I'm still learning about it all myself. I don't know where it will lead us, how it will all end or even if it will end. But I know we're having a lot of fun, we're sexually fulfilled and we're closer than ever. If any couples share this fantasy, give it a go! It has the amazing potential to change your relationship for the better."

Chasitiy Agreement

Developing a Chastity Agreement and Plan

If you are still unsure if you want to begin exploring chastity play, or you have finished your first chastity cycle, and you think you want to take things further, developing a chastity plan and writing a chastity agreement will help you.

    What Is a Chastity Agreement and Plan

By now, you already know whether you need chastity play as part of your relationship. You know what a chastity cycle is and what tracking method you will use. Most importantly, you know that keyholding is not a license for neglect. As you outline your chastity agreement, here are some questions to consider:

 1. Am I happy with casual play? How would this work if we are apart short-term or long-term?
 2. Can I handle long-distance chastity play? If we pursue this long-distance, who decides the schedule we keep for getting together and making this a workable arrangement?
 3. If we use a physical chastity device, which one? If not, how will we manage accountability without micromanagement?


      The Keyholder asks:

 1. Must I make special arrangements to overcome any challenges of Keyholding?
 2. How will we handle emergencies? How will distance, if applicable, affect our emergency plan?
 3. Where will I hold the keys? Will I wear them? If so where?


      The keyheld asks:

 1. Will there be a spare or emergency key?Where will you keep it?
 2. for hygienic maintenance and how often will you permit freedom from chastity for hygiene?
 3. What forms of intimacy are acceptable during chastity?
 4. May I ask or bargain for special attention while in chastity? If so, what special attention and how may I ask or bargain?

Then, discuss the needs, wants, and desires to which you will commit.

A /need/ is something you must have in your relationship. Needs arenon-negotiable.

A /want/ is something you would like, but it is not as important as a need. Wants are negotiable to a point, which allows for compromise, surprise and fun in your chastity agreement.

A /desire/ is something that you dream of having, but it has no effect on the relationship. You can add these to or subtract them from your chastity agreement with no adverse effects.

To help you sort your needs, wants and desires, here are three questions:

 1. What must I have in a chastity agreement to feel secure, satisfied and safe?
 2. What would I like to experience with the right level of trust, chemistry and experience? Which are the most important wants and where can I compromise?
 3. What are my deepest desires?

Learning the answers to these questions will give you a sense of direction as you explore chastity play. Remember to keep each other informed of any changes.

When exploring male chastity in your relationship, it often starts as a game. You need time while he adjusts to chastity, and she gains confidence as a Keyholder controlling his orgasms.

During this time, allow mistakes as you may struggle with expressing your feelings and experience. Keep separate journals and compare notes. As you gain experience, this ensures your needs are met, fears are addressed, and you understand where this game will lead.

Writing a Formal Agreement

Allowing for changes in schedule, interest, health, emergencies, and the inability to be kept in a device is a normal part of chastity play. Writing a formal chastity agreement will keep you on track when these interruptions occur. Consider these two questions:

 1. When a change occurs that disrupts your chastity play, who decides what will happen in the interim?
 2. How soon after the interruption will you resume regular chastity play?

Allowing for different periods for each circumstance helps you stay on track and prevents you from falling into a rut where you lose momentum you have built by participating in regular—by your standards—chastity play.

For example, if your device is returned to the manufacturer for an adjustment, will you use another device or the honor system? Will you continue the current chastity cycle or start over once your device returns? Once your device returns to you, when will you resume chastity play (e.g. within the hour, 24 hours, or by the end of that week)?


        A Note to Keyholders

You also might want to incorporate a locking ceremony for the two of you during this part. In the ceremony you and he place the chastity cage on him, lock it and then say your vows to each other and/or sign the agreement if you decide to go ahead and use one. 

Be specific! Put as much detail into your agreement as is necessary, without providing him with spoilers where chastity becomes predictable for him. The main reason most men want chastity is the excitement of not knowing when they will enjoy an orgasm. Not knowing if their orgasm will be full or ruined.

Deciding when that will happen will be easier if you have a plan. Include affirmative statements in your written chastity agreement. For example:

I [Keyholder's Name] agree to be your Keyholder for [duration]. At the end of that time, I will review this agreement, make any changes necessary, and decide my next period of Keyholding.

I [keyheld's name] agree to give you full control of my orgasms, my pleasure, and how often I should have both. In trusting your judgment, I will not argue for more than you give me.

Write your chastity agreement as a contract, not as a list of rules. This agreement will serve as a reminder for both of you and motivate you to stay on track, working together toward a common goal. It should not be a source of aggravation, a checklist of tasks to do, or a means to punish one another for failures as you explore chastity play.

Keep your chastity agreement focused on the reasons you chose to engage in chastity play. Remain positive and flexible in your chastity agreement, so it can grow with you. Review it regularly and change things as needed to show the most accurate state of your relationship and your chastity play.

Our primer for our chastity journey

The Male Chastity Primer for wives

Chapter 1 - Male Chastity: What’s this all about?

Orgasm control may be just the thing to bring you closer together as a couple and enhance your sexual relationship. Simply put, you take consensual control of your husband’s sexuality. You, alone, decide when and if he is granted an orgasm. However, before you decide to lock up your hubby’s penis, you need to ask yourself the following questions. Are you unhappy with how much attention he now pays to you? Are you willing to take control and put in the effort to make your relationship work in a new and exciting way? If yes, maybe you should consider male chastity for your husband. Make chastity play also will help by encouraging your man to be more attentive and considerate of your desires. You will see a marked improvement by your man as he returns the romance to your relationship as he rediscovers the art of wooing. The lack of orgasm reignites the desire to chase you, to try and woo you again. During the time when you aren’t allowing him to orgasm he will be working hard satisfying you sexually in the way you want him to, as and when you need it. 

Whether male chastity is something that he initiated, the two of you mutually agreed upon or something that you decided to implement, one thing is a necessity: there needs to be something for both of you to gain. He is giving up something that is a very important part of a male’s life, his sexual abilities – and for that you need to realize that he should be rewarded as you will be, but obviously in a much different way. You know the things that he likes, that arouse him and put a smile on his face. Like marriage, chastity needs mutual rewards and often you will find those things that you reward him with will lead to an increase in his being aroused and enhancing his over all behavior. It could be him giving you massages or trying sexual things that he likes but you never desired to try. You know how to dress to turn him on and you need to find out his fetishes if you don’t know them already and indulge them. All of this will heighten his happiness and arousal. He is making a permanent change in his lifestyle and you too may need to make some permanent adjustments so that he feels things are fair. As a wife/keyholder, it may take a longer time to determine what you stand to gain from male chastity. You are taking on a responsibility to manage his chastity. In time, it will become evident what is in it that you like and you can take steps to focus his attentiveness towards you by encouraging him to do the things that you enjoy. 

Properly managed male chastity can encourage positive change in many ways; it changes his mood, demeanor and libido. Most importantly, it changes his desire to please you. It is not the goal for him to help with the cooking, the cleaning or the laundry, but you will find that it will happen. It happens because as he continues to build up his sexual energy that he no longer has the ability to release as he pleases, he will divert that energy towards pleasing you. Your being the source of his sexual pleasure will change his feelings, he will adore you, love you in a way that you desire and he will be eager to please you because you are, as I said, the ONLY source of his sexual release. He will find, over time, he is happier because you’re happier. He will love the emotional boost the two of you share. It’s hard to explain why this happens, but it does. I found that I really love that we now have an erotic sex life with an intimate secret that only the two of us share. 

Chapter 2: How do we get started? 

Once you have mutually decided Male Chastity is something you both wish to try, then you can begin to formulate a plan to implement it. Your husband should remember that, sexually, the wife should be always in command and that, she should always be sexually satisfied first and foremost. This is the cornerstone to happiness for both you and him. Keeping you sexually satisfied is your husband’s job. His not being able to experience the pleasure of an orgasm only means that more time can be spent on insuring that the wife experiences many more than ever before. Simply be direct and tell him what you want. Don’t make him guess. Both of you will eventually expand your definition of what sex is. It can be anything from a foot rub or massage to holding hands, cuddling, kissing, to oral and intercourse. Bottom line is sex is whatever the wife wants when and how she wants it. To make chastity work you need to first develop a plan and then whole heartedly put it into action. The strong consensus is that for male chastity to really change your marriage, it has to be real and not a game. You can treat it as a game, but it is preferable to make it a 24/7 part of your relationship. 24/7 is the key; it is what changes men for the positive because they shouldn’t have the opportunity to control their sexual release. This is one of the areas that the wife must have absolute control of. The basic idea is to make male chastity an integral part of your relationship, not make your whole relationship about chastity. 

It is important to instill to him that his primary means of sexual gratification will be through yours. Eventually every time you experience an orgasm he will have a sense of sexual satisfaction. How you will accomplish this I will explain in a moment. What could be better, your being pleasured any way you like and experiencing wonderful sensations. He can not have an orgasm but he feels satisfied because you are and he will maintain a high libido. Although you're still equals outside of the home you are the queen of the bedroom. To enforce that you do have a certain amount of control it is important that he is forced to do and maintain a change in his appearance, something between you and he. This must be something that would be embarrassing for him when out in the general public so it should be concealed. Generally something under his clothes; replacing his underwear with ladies panties or requiring him to wear a girdle if he is overweight are popular examples. Some of the women think that a man's feet are best, easily covered or uncovered based on your orders and modifications could be removed when you feel it is necessary and reapplied when the time is suitable. In my case, J is always as close to nude as possible at all times. I find this does absolutely nothing for me sexually but it re-enforces to him the fact that I am in control. One of my friends has her husband wear a gold ankle bracelet and must paint his nails with clear polish except for occasions where she instructs him to do something different. Another friend has her husband, with the exception of at work and gym he must wear whatever footwear she designates. High heels are a particular favorite since he likes it when she wears them. She likes that he looks so funny when he tries to walk in them. Remember, Your dominance and male chastity should not interfere in other areas. As you implement these changes for him you will find he will react differently towards you, often positively, as his feelings and emotions change.

On the surface, this sounds unfair. You may think that this works only to the wife’s advantage and that is a common misconception. It seems counterintuitive, but it is just as advantageous for him. He must keep you satisfied to eventually get his release and every time he satisfies you he is happy because he has made you happy. One thing that is a direct result of him being kept chaste is that he will love seeing you have an orgasm. It gives him a sense of accomplishment. Once under lock and key, it is important to instill to him that his primary means of sexual gratification will be through yours. Eventually every time you experience an orgasm, he will have a sense of sexual satisfaction. You often may not grant him an orgasm, but he feels satisfied because you are and he will maintain a high libido.

The basics of a chastity arrangement is that he agrees to be locked in a chastity device of your choosing with you holding the key, and that you alone have the power to unlock him and the power grant him an orgasm in any fashion you see fit. This agreement could be in the form of a written contract and can contain items that refer to who will do what and who is responsible for what and when, as well. Again there is no right or wrong way to do this. This is your journey it can be whatever you want it to be.

Chapter 3: Purchasing a Male Chastity Device. 

Remember that this device belongs to you even though it is worn by him. It often takes a long time and several male chastity devices to find the perfect one for your hubby. Don’t be discouraged. Many couples go through several devices and alterations to finally get the right fit. A few get lucky the first time, but don’t count on it. Once you have determined what should work, you can see what “off the shelf’ size devices are out there that may fit his anatomy. The best advice here is to be patient and let your hubby put in most of the effort into getting a device that fits right. He is the one who will wear it all the time. Have trial lock ups until he is ready to be locked down for longer periods. Don’t be surprised if you have to stop a week or two into the lock up to get something fixed or let a sore spot heal. If there is a problem take off the device and see if it can be quickly fixed. Sometimes there is just a spot that has been rubbed raw and needs some ointment or the device left off for a couple of days. If you have to send the device back to be altered, start the clock over when it comes back and lock him up again. 

After all the trial and adjustments, you should end up with a male chastity device that is comfortable and secure with the smallest cage/tube possible for his penis that will only allow very little, if any, erection. A small cage/tube quickly limits the growth of his penis and is actually more comfortable for him to wear. Consensus is that his penis should fill the cage while flaccid at least 70-80 percent. Often the original tube ordered turns out to be too wide or too long because of the male’s optimistic measurements or fear of being too confined. After a while in a chastity tube, the penis has a tendency to shrink a bit which makes the getting the right sizing initially difficult. Generally, each new device ordered tends to have a smaller and smaller cage in both length and diameter. Again, the perfect sized one should be snug and allow very little or no erection. You want him completely dependent on you for getting an erection and as I mentioned, a smaller tube will actually be more comfortable after he has adjusted to it.

Chapter 4 - How long do I keep him locked up? 

Initially, your hubby will probably not be able to wear the device for very long. Start with a few days and work up to a week, then two weeks. The skin in the genital area is tender and will have to become accustomed to the device. Assuming his behavior during the lockup warrants it, let him know you are proud of his progress and reward him as you see fit. He will, most likely, look forward to being relocked. Unlock him, take him out of his cage and start to play with him but, prior to giving him an orgasm after his two week stint, when arousal is high, tell him that if you grant him an orgasm, his next lockup is going to be much longer. Ask him if he wants the orgasm or does he prefer to forgo it and relock for another two weeks. If he wants an orgasm on these terms, continue to completion. Lock him back up after this orgasm and don’t tell him how long he will remain locked up for. After he will, most likely, become a nuisance trying to find out from you how long his next lockup will be. Don’t tell him yet. 

Once he can remain locked in the device for two weeks without release, it is almost universally held by women who seriously practice male chastity that an initial enforcement of chastity should be at least two months of continuous wear without relief after you go through the break in period of getting a device that fits. During this lockup it is important that you make sure to keep him aroused as much as possible, this will increase the impact of the lock up time will have and will remind him that you have control. 

Keeping him from having an orgasm for a two month period may seem a bit harsh, but it is paramount to the success of this game as it allows his body and mind to adjust to the lack of sexual pleasure any time he desires. Enforcing the first two month period will allow him to get in to the proper frame of mind. It will reset his priorities and make him understand your desire, commitment, and strict determination to his training his mind to be focused on your pleasure; it will also give you the chance to develop the strength to say “NO”. When you relock him this time, this is one time he should be made aware of the time frame. This allows for a clear understanding of the initial commitment. Let him know how important this milestone for him is to you and reassure him that you will make this two month period as exciting as is possible for the two of you.  

This two month lockup will, most likely, be extended by you and this is why. As he approaches one month in chastity, he may start to feel he just can’t stand it any more. There will be “moments of desperation” where he feels he must have an orgasm and he will, most likely, be quite vocal about it. As his Keyholder, your steadfastness and determination here is crucial. Cuddle and comfort him, reiterating how important it is to you that he remains in chastity. Let him know how proud you are of his effort so far. Allow him to pleasure you as much as you desire in any way you desire as it will take his mind off his own predicament. Massages, foot rubs, oral sex, toys, it’s all good. If he is still at all uncooperative during this first two months, you should consider adding additional time to his lock up and let him know this. If it still continues or he doubts your seriousness, add a one or two week extension as a warning about whining and begging. Threaten a one month extension the second time. He must understand you are serious about this. After that, there should be no more incidents. 

Chapter 5 – Help! He’s Driving Me Crazy and Wearing Me Down! 

During this initial two month lock down time managing a chaste male on a day to day basis is one of the more difficult parts of being a Keyholder. You will need to be strong and keep up your end of the bargain. When you can do this, it will change the dynamic of your relationship in a way that sets you and him on the path to long term happiness. Make sure to keep him aroused daily, but it should not be a chore for you. There are many days when nothing sexual will happen between you and hubby, but it only takes a small effort on your part to keep him aroused. A sexy email or text, a sensual kiss; a naughty whisper in his ear while brushing against his locked penis, then a swat on the behind telling him resume his vacuuming should do the trick. He will be putty in your hands. Experienced Keyholders agree that you cannot be too strict with respect to the initial lockup period if you want to achieve the triple goals of...

1.) Getting yourself past feeling that it is your duty to give him orgasms, 

2.) Getting him completely focused on his new role of pleasing you, 

3.) Becoming comfortable with being in charge while overcoming the guilt of keeping him locked up.

This period of two months or more without release will make your seriousness very clear to him. His life will never be the same after, he will become dedicated to pleasuring you when you want it and how you want it. If you haven’t achieved these goals by the end of the two month period, then lengthen the time. Avoid falling into the trap of feeling that you have to let him have an orgasm since he has been under lock and key for so long and is so frustrated by the chastity device. 

Upon completing his initial confinement period give him an experience like he has never had before. You will have a sense of strength for enforcing it and him for getting thru it. You should make his orgasm a slow drawn out one with lots of teasing. It will be all too easy for him to cum very quickly. You may need to be watchful him to keep him on edge but when you finally do let him cum, it will be almost too much for his body to handle.

After the initial two month lockdown, you need to give some thought about what you want to do with your hubby after the long lockup is over. You could leave him unlocked for a day or two to see if he misses wearing the device. When you ask him, he will probably tell you he does miss it and wonders when you will relock him. 

The goal is for you to control his attentiveness to you by controlling his orgasm. Regular teasing and denying his orgasm helps to keep his attentiveness to you. There is nothing like the power of unlocking him, teasing him for a while and locking him back up with out allowing him an orgasm. There may be times during his lock up where you feel you need to use his penis, and you don’t want him to orgasm. Fortunately, there are a few options for this. You can try using a numbing cream and two condoms on his penis. He will be rock hard and shouldn’t be able to orgasm, which will be enjoyable for you. 

Another option you can use a penis sheath that he can wear over his erect penis. When i was searching for options Amazon came through. The sheath (penis extender) comes in a couple of sizes and colors; The nice thing about the sheath is that he can actually feel my movements and there is an intimate physical connection between the two of us. 

Chapter 6 - We made it. What’s next?  

Hopefully, by this time, you will have answered the question that eludes many wives. What’s in this for me? Are you turned on by the new loving attentiveness your hubby is giving you?  Do you like you new found control? Are you having fun teasing and denying him? Has your relationship blossomed? The answer to these questions will determine your male chastity plan for the future. As your journey continues, you are solidly in control and will be able to add new ideas to your relationship. Many women find it helpful to keep a journal of what works well and what doesn’t. Remembering the basic principles of how to keep your hubby under your spell will let you, and him, discover chastity’s amazing rewards. How do you maintain control? MC is a consensual kink. His obedience is a cornerstone for male chastity to be successful. That’s why two way communications between you and hubby are so critical. You will never want to let things revert back to his “lack of control” again. If you will put in the effort over the long term, you’ll not regret it even though sometimes it seems like a lot of work. 

One of the big changes that you must make in yourself to make a chastity relationship work is to commit to frequently teasing him, like you no doubt did when you first dated, and to having much more frequent sex yourself. The two can be one and the same thing. Having him perform oral sex on you while locked up is almost guaranteed to drive him to the edge. Fortunately, for you the chastity device will keep him from going over. The more sex you get without letting him cum, the more he wants you. If more women knew this secret there would be a lot more locked up husbands and boyfriends. Remember you have all the time in the world to train him to be the wonderful hubby that you want without any need to worry about getting him off. Once locked all he does is fantasize about you. You will need to decide if you want to be the one that initiates sex or whether you want him to. 

Chapter 7 – The Maintenance Phase. 

How do you manage you hubby’s chastity now that you are in the maintenance phase? There is no right or wrong answer here. Once you allow him his first release after two months plus in chastity, it is entirely up to you how many sexual experiences you allow and how often. A very important step during any release period is to ensure that you have a follow on plan for when you will get hubby back into his device.  It is much easier for him to install the chastity device himself than for you to do it. When you have him chastised you will find that a big change will come over him. Men have this built in thing about their sexuality, and they live in fear of failure to perform, so they try to shy away from kissing and cuddling except when they are horny. So once you have him chastised he will pay a lot more attention to you. He really enjoys you making out with him and getting all turned on, but it has always been so easy before just to jump on board and "wham bam thank you ma'am". Now with him all locked safely away, it takes the burden of performance off him, and it also relieves you of that old feeling of "take care of your man" and you don't have to have all that sticky mess to clean up. If you want more than just a little kissing and cuddling, get him to do a little tongue exercise, he will love to do it as this is the only sexual outlet he has, because you have locked up his favorite outlet, the longer you leave him locked up the more his testosterone level rises, and the more attention he will pay to you.

How often should you allow a release and what type of release will you give him. Most key holders opt for a ruined orgasm where you stop stimulation just before he starts to ejaculate, the goal is for the semen to trickle out of him and not spurt. This keeps him from experiencing the normal post orgasm letdown period and keeps him attentive to you. 

The most common belief that what’s best for older males is not to allow them to achieve an full orgasm more than once per month but not go longer than three months unless there was a good reason for doing so. That’s because the post-orgasm letdown period during which he is not loving and attentive is longer for older males. Some women liked to think about how often hubby could have an orgasm as a small fraction of the number of orgasms they had. A 50-1 ratio seems to be very popular but you can pick the number to suit your needs and get the time between releases just about right. This approach gives him a strong incentive to initiate sex and give you orgasms.  

Some keyholder’s choose to keep their men guessing; orgasms are allowed only at her whim, and he never knows when that might be. That sounds quite cruel but some women get off on the look on a male’s face when she leads him to believe that the time is near, only to change her mind at the very last minute.

There’s no denying that many women want and need penetrative sex from time to time. To make these rare opportunities for him to have intercourse work, you need to recognize that after being locked up for long time, younger men may cum with a hair trigger. Older men may not erect as quickly after a long lockup and their erection may not get as large as they did before chastity. It’s perfectly fine to occasionally take him out of the cage and get him hard, edge him and tease him a bit, then relock him as frequently to keep his equipment in good working order. Viagra or Cialis can also help older males maintain a good erection for your use. Some women use their hubbies for intercourse for several days in a row treating the whole event as a single release period before they lock their hubby back up for a prolonged duration. The bliss point is when you get your hubby to the place he gets pleasure purely from your pleasure without thinking about his own.

The main point of enforced chastity is to transfer control of the caged male’s sexual pleasure from him to his keyholder. It is a power exchange. As keyholder you need to maintain his sexual desire throughout his waiting time. He has to be desperate for release in order for him to truly feel sexually controlled. To keep him that way, you will need to stimulate him on a regular basis without providing him the opportunity to orgasm or ejaculate.

An ultimate expression of your power is to replace his scheduled orgasm with a ruined one. This is very frustrating to the male and will imprint strongly that you, in fact, own his pleasure. Since ruined orgasms do reset his physical need for orgasm, if not his mental one, they should not be intentionally given before his scheduled release date. Sex for you is independent of his pleasure. You should use him to give you orgasms whenever you desire them. This can be done with training aids: multiple condoms and/or numbing cream.

There is an old saying among men that encouraged their wives to adopt a chastity lifestyle… be careful what you wish for. Often the husband finds that the fantasy of male chastity is much different than the reality. Some of the husbands would, if given a choice, go back to their old ways, but absolutely none of the wives would. The consensus is that, deep down, the men are happier because they really wanted to be sexually controlled by their wives in the first place. 

The Bottom Line: Your hubby’s new reality now is, most likely, much different than his original male chastity fantasy because it is now your fantasy, not his. Take ownership of his new male chastity lifestyle. It is, after all, about you. Couples who stuck it out through the trials and tribulations of finding a chastity device that worked and figuring out how change their mindset from a need to give him orgasms to one of deserving all the orgasms they could ever want, are all much happier.